Day Thirty Four

GOSH it has been a while... and for that I am sorry
and I am also sorry that I am still fat!
And for this reason I am no longer doing the 60day challenge because I honestly wasn't following the plans or anything since about day 21
been too busy eating and sleeping and drinking
I am liquid fasting from now until Tuesday... and from Tuesday on I am going to be eating very little..... on Thursday though I am fasting
and then it is Christmas
and then after Christmas until the 15th I am going to try fast
so yeah

General Update
I go home on Tuesday for Christmas
I have a Christmas BBQ on Tuesday
My friends b-day party is on Thursday
My brother just came up and visited me... left 30mins ago
I have been working almost everyday
I am broke as balls
I am 72kgs....  my weight just keeps going up

ugh

Day Twenty Four

Is loosing weight one of your top priorities in life?
At the moment
Yes

Today
Breakfast: 1 cup green tea
Lunch: 1/4C Quinoa 150cals
           1 egg 90cals
Dinner: Coke Zero 2cals
           1/C Quinoa 150cals
           1 egg 90cals
TOTAL: 482

Exercise:
Sh'bam: 400cals 
Treadmil: 75cals
Walking 40mins: 135cals
TOTAL: 610


OVERALL TOTAL: -128


:)

Day Twenty Three

Do you feel that your weight holds you back socially?

Yeah... well kind of. I don't really like going out with friends. Well I do, it just has to be with in certain time frames like 1pm - 7pm... and 6pm - 4am etc.... so I can lie about eating.... It sounds bad I know, but its the truth really.... I can't help it. I mean I could but if I went out with them, it normally ends with my favourite food... potatoes... and not any kind of potatoes, but FRIED potatoes...... mainly from mc donalds, or KFC...... its BAD

So today I have had

1x Up & Go Strawberry 350mls - 253cals

3x V sugar free energy drinks 250mls - 22cals

1 Banana - 90cals

TOTAL 365

Exercise

Body Combat: -545

Cycle: -55

Walk 1hr: -225 

TOTAL: -825

OVERALL TOTAL: -460

I know its bad for me, but I really need to fit this dress!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry 

xx

Day Twenty Two

Day Twenty One: Do you listen to music when you work out?
Yes I do... I have a playlist of music that is from thinspo videos I have watched. The music reminds me of all the skinny girls I watched on the video.

Day Twenty Two: Are you generally smaller or larger than your friends?
Smaller probably, but not by much

Week Four!! Switch up your diet. Try one fruit and one vegetable you have never tried before, and learn how to cook a new healthy meal.
I would if I was eating this week
Which I would like to appologise for yesterday
I ate so so so much
I got pizza :(
I am sorry
But I am fasting with BellaAna until thursday, and then doing one more day after that
also xXpOsErXx will be joining, if anyone else wants to it will be great!!

COMMENTS:
xXpOsErXx: Well Monday to next Sunday will be great as I failed hard yesterday :S
Impractical Shopper: Its not the same tattoo but the saying is similar... I chose dance, because I love to dance, even though I don't take classes any more, it is still second nature to me. But that is cool how you want a similar one!!!! :)


I am sorry I failed yesterday
xx

Day Twenty

Do you binge? How often? And what triggers it?
No I never binge lies!!! I binge all the freaking time. Like I said I don't binge! Yes, Yes I do.... about one or two times a week... and I don't even purge it up.... and its not a one off, its like the whole day! Nothing triggers my binges, honestly I don't have a problem... it's normally when I am bored.... I need laxatives... I don't want to purge.... I don't like purging... but I work in a supermarket, that defs is triggering.


30mins of exercise a day is going great!!!! Haven't done today's just yet.... going to do 2 hours before I go to sleep.......... I ate TWO yes TWO packets of migoreng.... don't want to talk about it. Not just that I ate 8 kiwifruit, and a bowl of cereal!!!! UGH so fat
Can't eat tomorrow. Or Monday, Tuesday. Or Wednesday.............. Definitely not Thursday or Friday..... So lets have it.... who wants to fast with me for 6days? Hmmmmm I need to fit into a dress by Saturday...... I can get into it now but not properly....

Fuck I hate my binges... because I always get to a good place with eating healthy and then BAM migorengafghancerealkiwifruit binge in my face! and then I don't want to eat for a week or a couple of days
buuuuut I am definitely going to do this liquid fast...... yeah only cup of soups two a day tops, green tea, more green tea, and more green tea, laxative tea, gum, water, starbucks passion tea....... Wow so much! and if I get hungry as a mother fucker, I can have a Tomato, or small Banana

Right Have to clean my room
xoxox

Day Nineteen

Have you lied to avoid eating things?

Always 

Day Eighteen

Day Seventeen: Have you ever been called fat or skinny?
WELL that really depends I mean I have been called both but I have been called "fat" like when people you know just want to insult me and call me "fat bitch" etc... and have been called skinny by fat people so I never count it.

Day Eighteen: Do you have to eat any meals wit your family? Are they for or against your diet?
Oh the wonderful joys of not living at home, but when I am home, I do eat meals with the fam, but not all f it, and that is because they are 100% against extreme dieting

Right I am so drunk and I just woke up this is not ok......
I am going to the gym at 11
going to sit in the sauna for an hour... ok thats an exaggeration
but I am going to sweat the drunk out
it works for me
seriously
and OMFG I drank so much last night
I have no idea how I remember everything but I do
and I made out with a really good looking babealicious babe
like WOW

haha
so yeah to drunk for life as always
xoxox
love you guys

Day Sixteen

Have you ever missed a work out just because you couldn't be bothered?
Yep... all the time... and I make excuses for it as well... I am soooooo LAZY!

I am doing good now tho....
went today and yesterday
off to bed now xxx

Day Fifteen

What is your favourite kind of Exercise?
Dancing, or classes. I would like to run but I fucked up my ankles for that

Weekly Challenge: Add an extra 30 minutes to each work out this week, or if you weren't going to work out at all one day work out for 30minutes!!!


Nothing interesting happened today, just did errands, and such, went to the gym for 30mins before work. I wasn't going to but I did

Day Fourteen

Do you ever allow yourself a "rest day" from exercise, or a "cheat day" from your diet?
Not intentionally, but yes and its always Sunday, today actually.... I can't go to the gym coz of work, and I like croissants at work :s

But today after work I am going to clean my room until it is super clean, and then crash into bed with no tea
:P

Yeah so I am back home.... not home with parents home, I am back in my flat home.... walk into the flat this morning and HOLY MOTHER OF SWEET BABY JESUS! my flatmate has somewhat done some dishes..... O_O

xx better get ready for work xx

Day Thirteen

Is your diet ever negatively influenced by your friends? Do they pressure/tempt you to eat unhealthy food?
Oh boy do they ever!!!!! My binges normally come because I am hanging with my friends, an ice cream here, some mc donalds there..... they don't pressure me in anyway but yes my diet is negatively influenced by friends (not all because like I said yesterday some of them are health freaks)

Anyway this morning I went to the gym with mum again and we went to the body combat class, which I also did on Tuesday, buuuuut it may be hard but apparently you burn roughly 545calories from this class, so, so far I am negative 200(give or take)
Now I was asked by xXpOsErXx: What do you eat in an average day?
Haha well that really depends because some days I like food and other days I don't.
On a day I like food normally goes like this (and normally is when I am working - damn supermarket!!)
Breakfast: Apple or Porridge/Oatmeal
Snack: Apple or Croissant w/ butter
Lunch: Bacon Salad Sandwich or really unhealthy shit like chips or biscuits, maybe subway
Snack: Tea
Dinner: Cup of soup or nothing

These days are rare, like once a week but then it is good to treat yourself every now and again or I find that if I don't I can binge like there is no fucking tomorrow

on a day where I feel guilty normally my intake is low I normally skip one meal
Breakfast: (I mainly skip this, normally because I am up late or because I lie in bed all day... don't know which is more popular for me, but it is bad so I don't recommend it at all!!!) Um if I do eat breakfast it is either an apple, 1/2 cup oatmeal to make porridge, or 1 cup skim milk with 3 teaspoons of cadbury drinking chocolate
Lunch: I hardly ever skip this unless I have had a big breakfast. but this consists of one of these, 1 egg with a slice of toast, 1/2 tuna sandwich (1 piece bread folded in half with tuna, no butter, no mayo), small garden salad, tuna salad, cup of soup or an apple
Dinner: is pretty much the same as lunch but sometimes I do have like some chicken or steak to keep up my protein and iron etc.. (and if I were to skip, dinner is the best one I skip so it means I eat breakfast)
Snacks: Raw fruits or veges

But on top of this I exercise at least for 30mins a day even if it is dancing crazily around my room or a quick walk. And I also take VITAMINS! you need to keep them up!!! Calcium, Iron, Zinc, Vitamin C etc etc...... they stop you from getting sick!!!!!!
yes sir

xx well I am off to soak in the sun xx
loveya'll

Day Twelve

Day eleven: What are your family's eating habits? 
Ummmm well because I don't live with them any more so I don't see them very much, but what I do know is that BIG dinners are a must (even with thanksgiving dinner last night, I got out of eating half of it) and breakfast is a normal thing, with lunches prepared for you when you have school that day. Weekends are horrible... Friday night is Pizza/Take out night. Saturday is normally whatever you want for lunch that is in our cupboard such as noodles etc... and sunday morning is normally a cooked breakfast or something.

Day Twelve: What are your friends eating habits like?
Well that really depends, I have friends who eat healthy, I have crash dieters that then binge to the days, I have friends who can eat whatever they want and get away with it.


Ooops totally forgot to post yesterday!!! Was super super busy...
I am at home now just for the weekend. So I was doing a bunch of stuff with mother woo
I got my hair done, I am blonde again (o How I have missed it!!!) and I got my legs waxed and bikini line waxed in prep for bikini season... that was fun.
And then I got a Christmas decoration and came home. and by that time it was 6.45 and it was dinner time. which is always crazy... my brother F is 15 and has major attitude problems like crrraaaaazy its ridiculous, and dinner turned into yelling matches, O how I love to be home.
I ate 1/2C stuffing, 2 potatoes, 2 heads of broccoli, and 3 forkfuls of chicken, and somehow got away with the "I am not hungry excuse"........... never got away with it before, but hey not complaining!!!!!

Today I went to the gym at 6am with mum, then at 7 came home and climbed into bed and only just woke up at 11:30 :) sunbathing may be in the cards today!!!

speaking of the gym I now weigh 69kgs which is 152lbs.... which mean I have dropped 4kgs/8lbs roughly give or take!!!!!!!! but 4kgs in 2 weeks is good for me... because actually on sunday I weighed 72ish so I dropped 3kgs in a week which makes me smile.... hopefully by the 20th December I am atleast 62kgs :D (146lbs)

COMMENTS!
xXpOsErXx: I don't know how long I am going to do this, but I am doing the 60day challenge, so maybe until the 60days are up, but still try and continue posting everyday... YEAH I know how much calories are in Alcohol, and I know I am loosing weight, but if I just cut alcohol out completely it will drop much faster, but being a student it is part of a lifestyle, expesh in New Zealand. I know I don't have to drink, but I still do it, I enjoy the feeling of being drunk :) Also I think the gym helps a lot!!!!! x

ciao bellas

Day ten

do you eat breakfast? what do you usually have?
No... no I actually I don't normally eat breakfast, I mean I try toooooooo but I just don't like it, but if I do I eat oatmeal (porridge) or an apple

weeeeeeeeeeeeell I am DRRRRRuuUUUUUUUnk!!!
$1 wines are the best thing ever invented

anyways went to the gym yesterday with a friend and did body combat.... I hurt!
its like punching and shit
I pretended to punch thy flatmate....
hahahahhahahahhaha
sooorry babes
far too drunk
8 wines later
xxxxxxxxxx

P.S I know your reading xx

Day Nine

What is your favourite food, healthy or unhealthy?
My favourite food? ummmmmmm good question... prolly fries.... no potato, you can make all the carb stuff that I like out of them.... I love them, can't get enough of them... but then I don't like what the do. Maybe it's because I am Irish?

Is it just me, or are you guys like this? But do you stress when you can't control what you eat or when you eat?
Like last night I wanted to make a salad, which is what started the argument about the dishes with my flatmate, but there were no clean plates or anything, so I actually got really stressed and anxious, like I have no idea, this hasn't happened before, maybe because I have never not been able to not eat when I want to, but the thing is, is that I felt that ana had given me permission to eat and I couldn't... I actually cried because I wasn't allowed to have my salad... Never has happened before, and I really didn't like the feeling. I like couldn't breathe. It was horrible. Have any of you pretty ladies, had that feeling before?

xx

Cheese and gherkins

So I lied....

I am going to have some cheese and gherkins... maybe... if I get hungry, but all I have had so far today is a Large Blue V which actually tastes pretty good. I have a coke zero on hand for before work. I am going to the gym in 15minutes because I feel like I need to get rid of some anger issues towards my flatmate... hopefully I don't pass out.. :s don't think I will though

Love ya'll

(sorry about the double post haha)

xx

Day Eight

Good morning bloggers, and non bloggers
Day Sevens Question: Do your friends and family know you are trying to lose weight?
Some friends know, but they don't know to what extent.

Week 2 challenge!!!
GET ORGANISED! This week try to plan tomorrows meal the night before


Day Eight: Name 5 things you like about your body and the one part you would like to change the most.
This will be hard ummmm...

1. I like my collar bones.... they are beautiful and never seem to gain much fat around them when I gain weight.
2. My back, it is beautiful, I love the different contours it has, and when I get skinnier it will be even more beautiful.
3. My breasts, they are small but I like them. 12AA(nz size) woooo..... 
4. ummmmmmm... my shoulders
5. my tummy, its hardly ever not flat, I put the fat around my legs, bum, and too the sides of my stomach and my arms

and the one part I would like to change the most... would be my legs starting at my hips and ending at my ankles.

Not eating today I have decided... just tea... YUM!

xx

Day Seven

3:15am: Ok I am so over boys... well no not over them, I am over the type that I seem to like that like me back, I guess. At the moment there is this boy... lets call him J... so J is very um clingy, he like constintly wants to hang out its starting to piss me off like OMG!!!! Boys who like me always want to be around me a lot.... and like I love my space, I love ME time!!! ME! not me and you J... Gah! I do like him, but seriously him wanting to hang every night is starting to get on my fucking nerves!!!

8:13pm: Ok so for the past 2 weeks... I haven't eaten much in my flat, I have either snacked, bought take out, eaten at work or just used my one bowl with my one spoon. How the fuck are all the dishes used?! Oh I know my flatmate is a slob.... he expects me to clean. He doesn't have a job, he does nothing all day! I have asked him a few times to do the dishes, and he just fucking doesn't. I just asked him to do it, because I am working full time now, and when I am not working I am sleeping. I am soooooo tired and I am stress eating sort of... because all the food I eat is crap because I can't even use the fridge because it is disgusting! I have no food in the house for me and it is just getting worse. Fuck he irritates me!

Day Six

Have you ever been overweight or underweight?
Nope never, but I feel like I am overweight like all the time even though I am not. My measurements are 15cm under and my weight is 6kgs or something under to be classified for being over weight.

Sorry girlies have to go to the gym before work so hopefully I will give you a full update on my life tomorrow night xx

Day Five

Is there any specific event you want to lose the weight for?

Nope not particularly.... I just want to fit that bloody dress I wore last year ton the leaving dinner for my school

sorry girls I am far to drunk to post.... tomorrow morning maybe 

xoxox

Day Four

Do you work out? How many times a week?
Yes... sometimes. It depends how motivated I am that week. Like this week I haven't gone even though I keep saying I will. But I am going tonight after work because I finish before the gym closes. but I do aim for at least 4 times a week.

Today's Menu:
Breakfast: 4 strawberries with chocolate sauce, 3 without (fail on weekly challenge)
Lunch: Tuna Salad
Dinner: NOTHING!


Last night I saw the first part of breaking dawn.... and I actually kinda enjoyed it... a lot! Actually I loved the first 5 minutes of it.... but that may have something to do with Jacob taking his shirt of but you know whatever.
But anyway, at the Movies I ate, 12 strawberries, and 1/2 a bag of Shapes Roadies; Peri Peri Chicken. I feel a little guilty but then I did only end up having 1/2 a cup oatmeal, and a 6ft sub from subway. Why didn't I have a tuna salad? Because my flatmate is a dick.... pretty much I have no where to cook because he doesn't was any of his dishes, he expects me too, and his milk leaked in the fridge and all through my gianormous bag of lettuce... I want to punch him in the face atm. (but he still better than my old flatmates)
Right I'd better be off have work in an hour... still haven't gotten out of bed yet haha :)
xx

Day Three

Do you count calories? What is your daily calorie goal/allowance?
I used to count calories... and still do kind of. But when I had like an allowance or a goal of how much I needed to stay under if I went over I would have like a breakdown... so I am just setting meal plans... its working out way better.

Today's Menu:
Breakfast: was asleep until 12
Lunch: tuna salad
Dinner: tuna salad


Off to the twilight midnight screening tonight!!!! and I also have work until 11 should be fun....?
xx

Day Two

Good Morning Angels!!!!

this is probably the earliest I have been awake in weeks...... and its only like 9:30am... not that early

but I am quite proud... it is better than 2pm

Today's Menu:

Breakfast: 1C extra slim milk

                1/2C oatmeal

Lunch: n/a

Dinner: Apple

            1/2 tuna sandwich

I have like nothing to do any more now that it is the summer holidays apart from work and the gym it is pretty exciting... thank god it isn't quite warm enough for swimming or else I think I would cry!!!

I have a work Christmas party on the 3rd December, and I have this dress I used to fit when I was 145lbs on the 2nd December last year... aaaaand I really want to be able to wear it again... so there is a goal and I will hopefully be skinnier than I was last year and it wont be a tight squeeze as it was the year before.

40 days until Christmas (including today) and so it is a must to be thin.... a need to be. I hate my bum and legs

oh and also I am doing the 60 day challenge 

but I am starting today... but including yesterday if that makes sense haha

anyways

Weekly Challenge: Pick one unhealthy food or habit you have and aim to go 7 days without eating/doing it.

Chocolate.... hands down! Cannot go a week with out it... Lets see how that goes.

Day One: How tall are you? What do you currently weigh? And what do you hope to weigh after the 60 days? 

I am 5'10"11, I weigh 160lbs, and I hope to weigh 130lbs after the 60 days

Day Two: What is your MAIN reason for wanting to lose weight? (be honest)

Honestly it's because I hate my body..... well no I don't hate it 100% their are things I like. But truly I just want to be thin for bikini season

Also I found this picture that is from 2 years ago.... taken around the 24 Nov 2009..... I was some crazy diet.... like always I am going to keep it up, coz seriously... I don't really care, it is a known fact that I want to be thin.... just people don't know how thin.... I don't think its thin its more like Miranda Kerr thin. healthy thin. So anyway if I look like this  again I think I would be happy.... I was 135 here.... although 130, or 125 wont hurt

xxxxx

ciao bellas

Day One

Ok so I am officially on a major cut back on food as the bikini season begins very soon. No Chocolate. No fries. No fried food. No butter. I will be having a very bland and limited diet until I reach my first GW of 135lbs... hopefully by the 30th... but since I am starting at 160lbs (yes I know I am back up there again) I have a ton of work ahead of me. but anyways....

Today's Menu:
Breakfast: 1C extra slim milk w/ drinking chocolate
                Apple
Lunch:     N/A
Dinner:    1/2 tuna sandwich


I am going to the gym at 1:30 today until 3.... Then I have work at 4 so that should be all good. Just can't bring my eftpos with me, because that always ends really really bad. REALLY BAD! like chicken nuggets, fries, chips(crisps), chocolate...... you get the picture. Working in a supermarket sucks. Well not really but it sucks due to all the food. Where I really want to work is a clothing store. And I could easily get a job in one but the hours are less, and if you want time off it wont be as flexible as where I work now. I may try to get one next summer though.

xxxx
ciao bellas




 

sucks to suck

So... (Saturday 12:20pm)
I have an exam at 2:30 today (on a fucking saturday.... DA FUCK?!!!).... Don't wanna talk about it
Put on a whole lot of weight.... Don't wanna talk about it

(Sunday 3:36am)
My flatmate has left the halls and gone home
my friend has gone for summer
I got called fat walking home from town

I am super tired
my room is a mess
I am drunk
aaaaaand I have work tomorrow....

the only good thing is that it is SUMMER FREAKING VACATION BABY!

off now to coma from all the wonderful beers. tequila. and whatever I had managed to consume today.... Hangover tomorrow may be bad... so pop some paracetamol and water should be all good
love y'all
sorry for being a no show for a while.... study and assignments and work suck and suck all my time up... but dw I have been reading your blogs! PROMISE
xx

Tattoos are like stories -- they're symbolic of the important moments in your life.

Yes that is right.

You guessed right.

The title speaks the beautiful truth.

:)

YEAH

I GOT A TATTOO! 

:) been wanting this since I was 12, when I saw this girl who was 18 at my dance school who had dance tattooed on her arch of her foot. I knew exactly what I wanted. "Live Love Dance" inscribed into my foot, into my soul. I live to love, love to dance, and dance to live. It's a cycle. Yet I may not take classes any more. I still live to love, I still love to dance, and dance to live. 

My mum is going to FREAK!!!!!

ciao bellas off to get drunk and wander with my lovely American Flatmate E

xoxoxox

So this weekend started on Thursday night with an 11 hour bus ride, which arrived at 7am Friday where I was then picked up by my cousin and his friend, both 16, and strange little wiggas. And then proceded to McD's where I had a bacon and egg mc muffin while they both ate shite loads!!! 4 sausage mc muffins each aaaaaand 3 hashbrowns... DAFUCK! after that we went to my cousins house and chilled there with my aunt and my other cousin (17)who is mature enough for a male at his age especially if you look at his brother and see what he could be like. Then my Aunt was going out so she dropped me off to my other aunts where I hung out and babysat my three young cousins from 10am til 2. It was sooooo boring and not to mention I was so fucking tired!!!!

And following that I went to Starbucks to meet up with a lovely gorgeous old friend of mine. She was simply stunning!!! And she is so Fashionable! GAH! she is so skinny and georgeous

Some of you may know her as she is a fellow blogger BellaAna. So we both sat down with a Non-Fat, No Cream Java Chip Frappaccino! YUUUUHHHHUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMM! And just walked around.

Then I went to my flatmates parents house where we drank some Coronas, and then went to town, where I proceeded to get 4 free drinks, and danced a lot and had mega amounts of fun. And then apparently I convinced everyone to come back to my friends and go skinny dipping in his pool, which didn't happen because as soon as we got to my friends I passed out - in my pjs that I some how got into - on a mattress in the middle of the hallway. Yes Sir! 

and when I woke up I got to listen to all the marvellous stories of the night. Somehow my friend tripped over a stage and fucked up his legs and my friend T jumped off the back of a truck in heels and fucked her ankle..... and there were more but yeah.

 

Then on Saturday I met up for coffee with a friend who I met once in 2007 and kept in -contact with. Then walked back to my Aunts house which was a 2hour walk. She wasn't home so I went to my friends house and got drunk with his friends and then my friends came round at 10pm, then proceeded to have tequila shots and get more drunk. We had a smart idea to go to town, but everywhere had stupid cover charges so we didn't get in anywhere, so we went home. And somehow from town to home I lost my ID. SUCKS!

I woke up the next day at 8am and went and made a teddy at the teddy factory. Had an Ice tea at Starbucks. Then when I got home at 12 had a nap for 4 hours, then had to pack for another 11hour bus trip

I am never again busing in my life.... I dont care that it costs $40+ more to fly than to bus I am never ever ever Bussing I hate it!!!!

(915):

I told you I was good to drive

(1-915):

dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

I love textsfromlastnight,com fucking crack up... fully been sitting here for the past 2hours reading them... And I have a fuck load to do and none of it is getting done and ahhhhhhhh

Fuck it I am going to sleep

11 hour bus rides are not always fun

I just got back from my weekend trip away. 

Its 7:24 AM!

aaahhhhh

anyways busing for 11hours SUCKS

and I am exhausted

will tell you more tonight

xx off to sleep

A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise. ~A.A. Milne

gah
raaaaaaaaaaah
ugh
so flipping tired
1hour treadmill
15min bike
3min sit ups
1 min plank
10min sauna
5hours sleep the night before
I am exhausted
I AM GOING TO BED NO ONE STOP ME!!!
good night x

Ain't no rest for the wicked.....

wise words missinsanity... I know it isn't over... not yet, I am holding on tightly to those last few helium balloons before they drift off and I am stuck in the world of Adults, and Maturity
And I think today was one of the signs that I am going to need to let go sometime soon
I need to grow up
I want to
I want to get past thinking of the ex all the FUCKING time I mean my brain is running 100miles per flipping hour... like last night when he didn't turn up to this party we were both invited to. Someone said he was with his mrs
Ok
yeah
I went to the bathroom and cried
I fucking hate him I do
I hate him because he fucked up my trust issues even more
I hate him because he fucked up then gave up when he said he wouldn't
I hate him because some small part of me hoped he wouldn't give up
I hate him because I still love him
I hate him because he knows about ana and mia

I hate myself for letting him get so close

his mrs... after a proper facebook stalk, is fucking skinny
OH FUCK HIM!
he is totally doing it to piss me off
FUCK IT I AM OFF TO SLEEP!
fasting all week
tattoo on tuesday
x

I will wear black the day my childhood ends

and today seems like the day....
my mum is throwing out all the video cassettes out that we had recorded all the old shows and movies on.
It is a sad day!!!
I managed to however save Casper, the 3 episodes of Dinotopia, Hocus Pocus, All Dogs go to Heaven, Page Master, Adventure Panda(idk this could be the actual name or the one mum just wrote on it) and Dogs Best Friend.
So today I will wear black as my childhood is driven to the tip and discarded like there was never a relationship between us.
It's a sad sad day

Get out the Piñata

WOW!

o wow

it has offically been a year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the year has defs had the ups and downs of a fucking yo yo I mean come on
From loosing the V plates, to the ex cheating on me, from having amazing drunken nights, and having tons of lame fights, it still has been a FANTASTIC year of blogging
xx

Anywho went to the local bar with my friend, and drank lots of yummy(calorific) drinks and had a great night
didn't get drunk tho, tipsy yes, drunk... no! twasaGoodnight!!!!
Right off to bed I go....

I honestly thought I would have more to say on my 1year of blogging but nooooo I am off to sleep
I am back at home now for the w.e
GYM TOMORROW
xoxo
ciao beautiful ladies
xx

I give up

Ok so getting out of bed was even harder today...
didn't even get up for a really important class
yeah I know its my own fault that I missed it buuuuuut, me and my friend were going to go together, we were going to meet at 8:15 (its now 9am) and she didn't think, "oh hey C isn't down here yet, I should wake her/ see if she is ok" no she just texts me and says your not here, guess your not coming.... Fuck I actually did need to go to this class. And now I'm gonna fail! SOOOO BAD! I am giving up
Ugh
Fuck it I am going back to sleep

Welcome in the world of small pleasures, experiments and peace

So hello bed
I don't ever seem to be able to get out of you lately.... not even for class.... the gym maybe... but not my education hahahahaha
I AM LAZY!

but anyways its raining and its beautiful
don't want to get out of bed but I have a shit load to do likeeeee

1. Clean my room
2. Washing
3. Start Case Study thats due monday
4. Start Art and Design thats due in two weeks
5. I have work tonight
6. get ready to go home for the w.e
7. Read blogs
8. GYM!

yeah not toooo much :s

Actually I am off now

ciao bellas

ughhhh my life is so boring

When life hands you lemons, bust out the tequilla and salt!

.... second night in a row

Not as drunk as I was last night

But these are the nights I live for!!!!

Loosing your friend in town... Running around trying to get into bars for free when there is a cover charge, dancing on tables... and the best of all TEQUILA SHOTS!

I am going to a rugby game tonight!!! Tonga vs France!! Should be FANTASTIC!

I am excited!

I am HUNGOVER!

and

I am going rollerblading in an hour or so!

Todays Menu:

BLT bagel

Fruit Salad

Gym today? No.... Tomorrow yes!!!

Drinking tonight? Still haven't decided that far ahead

xox ciao bellas xox

Just incase your wondering.... IM DRUNK! lol and btw I FUCKING BET my flatmate @ beer pong

Oh god I got so drunk last night... ugh!!!

And people (boys) in town did not help!!!!!

THEY KEPT BUYING ME DRINKS! So I was already drunk AND THEN  I just got more drunk!!!!! And for some reason I told my flatmate to wake me up at 8am WTF?!!! Oh god it was a messy night!!!

I am still fricken druuuuuunk as a fucking skunk.... this is not OK!!! ok OKAY! ITS NOT OK!

RAAAAWR

I think I am going to vomit

ahhhh I hate alcohol!

LOL LIES!

I love alcohol just hate the morning after alcohol...... UGH! 

This is just not ok!
there should be some rule about not drinking........
hahahahhhaahahahahahahaha
I am drinking tonight but hells to the NO! am I drinking as much as I did
I don't even know what I did last night
its never goooooood!!!!

But anywho!!!
Signed up at the gym yesterday and I think I may just go in an hour.... I mean I am up why the f*** not?!

sofia: Yeah it really is like kinda... zen?! is that the right word?!

Ciao You Sexy LADIES!

Today I don't feel like doing anything, I just wanna lay in my bed

I keep skipping classes.

WHY!?!!!

UGH! Such a bad habit, I have missed like 7 classes in the past two weeks... I am so behind!!!! But I really don't  like these two classes. But I am so behind!!!!! I have an assessment on on of the assignments due in 3 weeks next week. Then I have Business essay due on the 10th October, then on the 19th October I have Garment due, and a test. Then my last assignment is due in the next day!!!! I just cannot be bothered doing anything. The only thing I have started is my garment, and that's because we work on it in class. THANK GOD I have almost finished it!!! I am so LAZY!

I am so very very lazy!!!

Ok so I think tomorrow I may start my business paper that is due, and on Saturday get majority of my assignment done. Hopefully I can do it, but somehow doubt it. I am going to be pulling so many all nighters.

SO MANY AHHHHHH!

aaaaaanyyywhooooo....

Todays Menu:

Breakfast: Tea

Lunch: Tea

Dinner: Apple and Tea

HAPPY!

I love eating so little. That actually sounds so bad!!! but when I actually accomplish eating so little through out the entire day it makes me happy... its kinda sick and twisted but I want to be 140 by Thursday next week, and I have to go out for tea with my friend tomorrow night, thank god there is a salad option!!! A salad and two margaritas yummmerz

Right I'd better go be productive seeing as I am missing class.

Going to watch Terra Nova, then get dressed, then go join the gym!!!!!!!!!!

YES I KNOW!

I am joining the gym!!! Its a really fancy one but it will be sooooooo worth it

I will go like everyday!!!! Seriously!!!

Promise!!!

Ciao Bellas xox

"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best," and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called.

Oh the sun is shining and the sky is blue and the world is so very full of colour!!! Today is a good day. My room is half clean and I have started my assignments. Today really couldn't get any better... well it could... you know what I mean... Empty...

Menu:

1 Tall Starbucks Raspberry and Chocolate Frappachino w/ skinny milk no cream - 250

1 Tuna 6" sub - 600

Total: 850

SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER

SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER

SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER

SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER

SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER

SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER

!!!!!!THIN!!!!!!

xox ciao bellas xox

Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead

So I am finally in a good place. Not with my weight. Not with my image. But in a good safe place. I am stable. I am in a new flat with new people and altogether it has taken a whole lot of weight off my shoulders.

And speaking of weight... when I was at home not the weekend just been but the weekend before. I weighed myself for the first time in WEEKS! I hadn't weighed myself since the... 16th July!!! And I weighed 162lbs (73.6kgs) and I almost died when I stepped up onto the scales... and I lied about my weight well not lied just didn't tell you the truth because I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed because I was fat. I was embarrassed because I had HUGE ARMS, a belly, muffins tops, and huge thighs which weighed me down. I didn't weigh 148 close to my birthday I was 155.... like I said embarrassed. But when I stepped on the scales a week and a half ago I weighed 145lbs (65.9ks!!!)!!! meaning over 2 months I had lost almost 17lbs!!! a good 8KGS!!!! Thats really good for me seeing as for atleast a month of that was drinking a binging non stop because I was unhappy!!!! Hopefully next thursday when I get to weigh myself I will be even skinner! Fingers Crossed darlings

Also Catching up sloooooowly on blogs... Its really hard to do so when you have an assignment due next week, and the week after and then the week after that!!!!!! GAH UNI really does sucks!

Ciao Bellas xoxo

out with the old and in with the new... or something like that

Hey loves, sorry I have been MIA, AWOL whatever.... but between work, uni and moving flats I have been FLAT OUT! So over the past few weeks I have binged like a mo fo... but now I have been fasting since Tuesday.... no idea how I have managed to last 5 days with nothing more than tea, 4 biscuits, a handful of corn chips, and some alcohol. I don't know how... but I have managed. I also moved out on Friday... and still am moving... I just got so fed up with H and Mikachu I had to get the hell out of that flat... even though I only moved next door its still ok. Its still not with the over dramatic me me me girls who bitch about me and make my life miserable. I love my new room its bigger and my new flat has awesome couches and is really laid back! I am sooooo much happier!
Anyways I have an essay due on Wednesday Night so I probably wont get time to read any blogs until Friday Night... but thats ok because I am going to be staying up all Friday night catching up on the blogs!!! YUS!
I feel like I have missed out on a whole lot of internet readings. Need. To. Catch. UP!!
So today I have work!!! And then I am cleaning and sorting my new room, which is actually kind of exciting. I love organising new rooms. And I meet all my flat mates tonight which will be good. And I have a whole bunch of readings to do. and that essay to write!
And I have to go now... have to finish cleaning my old room.
ugh so much to do so little time!!!
ciao bellas xx

I just needed a fix

Ok I admit that I have a problem.... this problem has 0% to do with my icky flat dramas which are very immature
This problems is my addiction
my HUGE addiction to shopping
I try sooooo hard not to shop
but then
once I have a small taste of shopping
even online food shopping
I break down
Like
just before
FML
$60 on clothes..... a pair of shoes and a dress for summer.... and its not even summer yet!!!
But I think I deserve it
I have been under a lot of stress
.....
After the holidays I may splurge some more
actually I will
But I think I will wait until after my holiday back home
like a reward
:S

Thanks to Twigs can fly and Mich for the support... well comments. I am alone here but your comments make me remember that alas I am not. There are people who understand what I am going through and that are probably going through the same dramas. Thanks you guys you are absolutely lovely!!!

Aaaand at the moment any thoughts of trying to break ana's bounds have failed if you haven't sort of guessed already.  I am fasting at the moment with the lovely BellaAna.... four days. Wednesday until Saturday. You can join if you want entirely up to you. Well I am off to sleep now to end the day completely
xxx

As I sit in my room... alone

I have never felt so lonely
Its really just me and my head
maybe that is why I am so fucked up
I never have had anyone close
apart from my mum
but I can't let her see me weak and broken
I can't turn to her
I can't let her know I am struggling
I can't turn to my best friend
I really just need someone who knows no one I know
so I can pour my heart out to them
to get it off my shoulders
It really is a dead weight.

I can't stand living with my flatmates. Everything has double standards.
They can have the horrible music they listen to loud. But I am not aloud to turn my music up to the same volume.
They can half ass their cleaning. I cannot.
They can have long showers. They get prissy when I do, once a week when I wash and treat my hair.
There is more but I can't be bothered writing all the things I do wrong
I need to get out of here

I go to work to escape. I hide in my room. I keep to myself.
I am suffocating here

broken

did I tell you my scales are broken?
Well iff I didn't I am telling you now
I am not going to be able to weigh myself until the middle september when I go home for the w.e!!!!
I am hoping to be 145 or less hopefully in the 130's that would be amazing
I am going to buy some new scales after I get back from home.
But not being able to weigh myself just makes me anxious
I really need some form of scales.
Yeah I could measure but its not a number to see decrease daily it moves slowly a little too slow

Yesterday I had:
2 V energy 350ml drinks 326cals
1 cookie dough truffle 78cals
1 cup of tomato soup 31cals
Handful Croutons 130cals

Total: 565

Today I am going out for Chinese with my friend for lunch
Thats all I will be eating
It will be horribly high in calories

I just want to be thin

snoooow!!!

while I sit in my apartment/flat it is snowing outside. it never snows here. EVER. Well it may have stopped for now... But I refuse to leave my warm bed to venture out into the lounge where the window that looks out over the city will show me the weather. I do have a window in my room, but I don't want to move and opening my "curtain" will consist of effort because I will just have to close it after which will take more effort. and as we all have found out I am LAZY!!!!

anyways

got drunk on friday and stayed up until 6:30am before crashing into my bed to sleep sober for 6hours. But the Lawyer came round to say hi... he arrived at 4am and I had to kick him out at 6:30..... he may be good looking but he is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BORING! and he didn't get any hints from me or my friends to GTFO of my friends flat where we were drinking. So pretty much we were like you have to leave we want to fucking go to sleep. UGH

Boys are idiots and clueless. I am so over them at the moment!!!!

anyways on saturday I got drunk with my work friends..... the thing is when I say drunk I don't mean like my old drunkness. its more tipsy, like a little silly and a lot more confident. But yeah got rather tipsy ate a whole lot of guacamole and corn chips, and had some PURE platinum passionfruit and vodka drink mixed with some apple sours, so about 6ish standard drinks over 3 hours, I was a bit silly. And that boy from work... fully made out with this chick who has like this serious boyfriend on the roof of where we were. I was like dude your such a man slut. and she is a slut to. SLUZZAS! haha

well I am off to go and check out the light fluffy snow and see if it still snowing and to fill up my water bottle

ciao beauties 

xx

I have to keep reminding myself

I can't live with my flatmates......
I can't
I am on rubbish this week... meaning I take the rubbish down stairs and clean the bin.... that is all
Pikachu was on it last week.... she didn't clean the bin
gross
and this week I had a very! important essay due
did any of my flatmates (apart from T who wasn't there) think to change the rubbish bag? No... because I am on rubbish... although I clearly remember that when someone else would be on rubbish I would change the rubbish bag.
Fuck!
aaaaand when I voiced this miggins said that it was my job and I said I have been busy she said everyone is busy and I was like I had an essay due and she said we all have stuff due and I am like you didnt have anything due this week!!!!!!!! Fucking Hell!
I cannot deal with this I can't!!!!
I am used to people just doing stuff for others because the other needs help
I just have to keep reminding myself 3more months

Sometimes I have those moments... you know the one where you can't breathe properly and you feel sick.
It is like... a guilty feeling
But the thing is, when I get this feeling it is normally after I do something I regret
So in fact it is not a guilty feeling but one of regret.
I regret lots
And mostly it is after I have been drinking.
After I have made a complete fool of myself. Mainly in front of boys
And I am like why oh why did I drink that much
And I am like I am such a SLUZZA!!!
and not just any kind of sluzza but one that will make out with any guy (almost)
and then runnoft to party and drink some more and then sluzz on another poor innocent boy
Its a disease
I actually have been thinking about this a lot lately... a lot a lot a lot!!!!
I mean I know why I do it
I mean it is simple enough to guess.
I hate myself
I do
and I think sluzzing on boys, and seeing them want me, gives me some sort of self worth whilst I am drunk.
I regret it
I do
I get that sick feeling
I hate it
*sigh*
but I still do it
howeeeevvvvverrrrrr
I have decided from this day on (excluding special occasions) that I will not be drinking alcohol... well not excessively  Not to get drunk. well let me re state this. I, from this day on refuse to get stupidly drunk in anyway  (excluding special occasions) for a year!!! maybe longer... maybe..... no lets say December 31st 2012..... lets aim for there to not drink excessively... one or two ok..... any more and I will be punished.

because I am over regretting the mistakes of my sluzzer self

xxx

"Regina says everyone hates you because you're such a slut"

There is a boy in my bed

.... Again?

yes again

but this time I swear its has no other meaning behind it

well maybe 

but 

idk

I haven't made out with him. He is just a friend. And a friend of my ex. And he sleeps around. Is he good looking? YES! He can speak Spanish - fluently. BABE! but I don't know if I will go there..... yet.... I am a cock blocker - whatever that is.?.?.? I have been called that a few times.... mostly from my ex's friends.... not the one in my bed, but the ass wipe ones who I really would love to punch!!!! But yes the one in my bed walked in on S and that random SKANK! in the middle of the act, but he is more my friend than S' which is GOOOOD! 

I am sorry but this may be a little tmi but you can skip this paragraph if you want to buuuuuuuuuuuut.... I haven't gotten any since April. And atm any boy looks good. But I cannot have just any boy......... I have to see if I am worth the wait to them. This is what makes me a cock blocker.... 

so until then *sigh*

So I have a 700 business essay/question thing due tomorrow.... no wait in less than 24hours.... WOO! I have written 356 words. I can't write essays. I can't read readings. It is just BLECH! But I am getting some sort of test done sometime in the near future.

I am liquid fasting today

I have 3.... no scratch that 2 lift plus cans and a whole lot of cup of soups

its going to be great!!!

I love the bliss feeling of emptyness. 

So anyways I have been reading your blogs, I am just finding it hard to comment on them with all the stress from UNI but I promise (like I always do) but this time I will make time on the 25th August to the 10th september to read and comment since I am not going anywhere

xx

Love Ya'll (whoever reads this)

xx

Hold your breath!!!!

You guys wont believe it buuuuuuut guess what!!?!!!
MY ROOM IS TIDY!!!
Not only is it tidy.... but its organised (apart from my bed being messy - but I am going to bed soon so it doesnt matter toooooo much
But yes guys its FUCKING TIDY!
Dont pass out on me guys!!!
.... and it only took me what 4months to get round to truly cleaning it
it took T taking my laptop and locking it in her room until my room was clean for me to do it
But it took me from 4pm - now 12.32am!!!! YESSSS!
but its clean so now I am off to sleep
Shall update you guys tomorrow xox

p-to-the-you

ok so when I am drunk I cant help but purge...... nautral insitinct,,,,, but I feek guuilty!!!!!

Rinse, Wash, Dry, Put them the f*** away!!!

Ok so my flat mates have some serious issues...
They can't pick up after themselves
The Don't know how to rinse there cups to rid them of coffee, milk, juice etc...
they are fucking useless.
Yes I didnt do the dishes last night so most of the stuff is caked on.... but that stuff would have been caked on last night too
but it doesn't mean they can't fucking rinse their shit under the mother fucking tap!!! I do it (most of the time like 98.4% of the time) so why the fuck can't they!!!!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
these kind of people just flipping piss me off
actually I cant wait to move the fuck out and the end of the semester and get the hell away from H, Pikachu and Miggins...... they are all useless!!!! They can't cook, they hardly clean and they don't know how to fucking stack dishes or rinse them!!!!
Also its Pikachus week on keeping the kitchen and lounge clean.... is it clean... no. Her job is to clean out the fridge.... I dont even want to go in the fridge it so gross. She has to make sure the table and coffee table are wiped down and the kitchen bench is tidy
Its all fucking messy!!!!
and she leaves all her fucking rubbish around for me or someone else to put away
FUCK!
Yeah my rooms a mess. But thats my room and no one else but me has to live in it!!!!

-end rant

sorry bout this kinda had to get it off my chest
xx

One or the other

Ok so while I working today
This extremely and I mean like EXTREMELY! like OMG! gorgeous girl came into work. she was BEAUTIFUL! and she was SKINNY! and the thing that got my attention the most were her shoes!!
My shoe obsession has gotten a little OTT
shoesofprey.com OMG!
but anyway back on track
I have now decided that I don't need to spend any more money
NONE!
not until I am over $1000 of my over draft so I have at least $1000 and then I am going to go clothes crazy. Also if I don't spend any of my money it mean I will get skinny!!! as much as I want to be healthy.... I want SHOES! and CLOTHES and OPI! and ASOS.com wardrobe!!!! MORE!
its a disease
an addiction
when I go shopping me = O.O
So my decision is final (for now) I am not spending money left right and centre on food. Only the necessities to survive. I WANT SHOES
hahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha
I think I am going insane

LOVE YALL! xox

Yummy scrummy in my Tummy

I just had ze work.... wooooo!
yeah money!!!
I need ze money
I am le broke!
Yeah :(
But I did manage to pick up some frozen blueberries, frozen mixed berries, and some greek yoghurt today for my breakfasts and lunches
YUMMERS!

Well I am totally Zonked
off to bed
ex oh ex

Better

I am doing pretty well since I have dropped out of the flat meals its great.... I am so much happier!!!
Monday:
Breakfast:
1/2 Grapefruit (60)
1/2cup Cheerios (74)
1/4 Calci Trim Milk (31)
total: 165
Lunch:
1/2cup Wholegrain Rice (100)
1/2 Can Lemon Pepper Tuna (74)
total: 174
Dinner:
1/2cup Cabonara (135)
1 Egg (75)
total: 210


Total: 549!
And the thing is I didn't even try!!! I just ate until I didn't want it.
and its been the same for the past few days
I am only eating when hungry
And I didn't eat after 6pm either
If only I had batteries in my scale to watch the progress!

Tuesday:

Breakfast:
1/2 Grapefruit (60)
1/2cup Cheerios (74)
1/4cup Calci Trim Milk (31)
Lipton Citrus Green Tea (95)
total: 260

Lunch
1/2cup Cabonara (135)
1 Egg (75)
Lipton Citrus Green Tea (95)
total: 305
Dinner:
Tomato Soup (30)
Avocado on toast (300)
1/2 Muffin  (125)
total: 455


Total: 1020!!!
How is this even possible!!! I swore I ate like a pig!!!
This is ridiculous!!!!

Today (Wednesday):

Breakfast:

1/2 Grapefruit (60)

1/2cup Cheerios (74)

1/4cup Calci Trim Milk (31)

Lipton Citrus Green Tea (95)

total: 260 

(yeah I know real variety with my breakfasts but when you have no food what can ya do + I love ma honey oat cheerios in the morning YUM!)

Lunch:

1/2 packet Trident Singapore Noodles (165)

1 Egg (75)

100g Wedges (187)

Chicken (127)

total: 554

Dinner:

1/2 ham salad sandwich (125)

100g Chilli and Lime Cashews (290)

total: 415

Total: 1229!

F*** Yes

and none of these are counting the exercise I do from walking to and from uni all day and work today!!! I am a machine today!!! 

Now don't me wrong I am not trying to eat as little as possible

I am trying to slim down the hard way

By eating Healthy and Exercising

I decided my health wasn't worth being thrown around during my battle against my body because I already have so many issues with it. Stupid shitty immune system!

So I am trying to eat roughly between 1000 - 1300 calories a day 

but atm seeing as I have no money I can't exactly go out and buy lots of scrummy yummy foods for me belly I have to eat what I have that I have stashed around the flat

In my lovely shelving system by my bed I have

• 9 bottles of Lipton Citrus Green Tea (YUM!)
• 7 cans sardines
• 1 can creamed rice
• 2 185g cans of tuna
• 1 85g tuna
• 4 different types of cups of soups (tomato, creamy chicken, creamy vegetable, and chicken noodle)
• 1 packet of San Remo single snack chicken and mushroom (flavoured) pasta

In the fridge I have

• left over half of -Trident Noodles packet
• 4 grapefruit
• 4 lemons
• 1/2 a litre of milk

in the pantry

• 1 can of Irish stew from my grandmother yet to be touch and may remain untouched for a very very long time
• 4 cans of baked beans, all different brands, yet another gift from the G-ma
• 1 can of Watties Spaghetti WITH sausages
• 1 can of pineapple pieces
• my honey oat cheerio cereal (YUM!)
• rolled oats! for me porridge
• marmite!
• vegemite!
• honey!
• 1 can of tomatos

Yes sir

That is my food for the rest of the week

and possibly even next week actually

because I am enjoying making up recipes with what I have left over from when I moved in until now!!!

My room is still a mess... no surprise there

Hey did I ever tell you guys about the boy from work? Lets call him E... well preeeeetty much one night when I was out in town just me and T... we got pretty wasted. She made out with 3 guys and I made out with E and  somehow managed to bring him home. you see I am pretty good at bringing guys home and then kicking them out when I want to sleep...... and I know what your thinking.... WHAT A WHORE! no I do not and I repeat DO NOT! sleep with them or do anything of the sort!!!! I have only slept with one person and one person only and that was the ex S. But anyway, somehow in my drunken stupidity I let him sleep in my bed. We had a make out sesh and then went to sleep, where I then made up my mind thaaaaat I infact didn't like him that much because while making out with him he tried to eat my face. but anyways its now reeeeal awks at work. not for him

Only for me

because I am an awkward person

and I can make anything awkward

yeah..........

see I just made this post awkward

yeah you feel that awkward tension!!!
soak that awkward tension up

Love yall

x