empty... :)

I would like to say thank u to my lovelies whom commented on my last post, thank you for worrying, don't worry I promise I wont go to hard core on the exercising, I cant actually run atm because during my absence from blogger I went to town and fucked up my foot, so no running for me.

Well I would like to tell you all what I have been doing since my absence,
I have been reading blogs but hardly commenting, doubting that I did comment at all but I was just so tired and felt so baaaaad because I was eating and all the blogs were about being empty and fasting before thanksgiving. *sigh*
Well you all know on Wednesday was my first and last exam ever ever in high school, and was my last day at school ever ever ever ever also my dresses arrived and I didn't fit that dress, so I got all depressed so it wasn't a good day so I just sat around in bed feeling sorry for myself really.
Thursday, I cleaned my room, then ran, then made pumpkin pie which I ate a slice with whipped cream - ew, then drank some calorific alcoholic drinks before I went to town.......... woo go me!!!!!! BUT when I came from town with my lovely friends I weighed 140??? When I left the house before town I was a horrible 146!!!!!!! but of course on Friday I ruined it again by having McDonald's to cure the hangover.
Then the boyfriend came over for our 6months where he took me out for a picnic which involved foooooood mostly carbs, and wine. And I ate until my stomach ached. :( silly me very very silly me.
Then on Saturday I ate and ate and snacked and ate then drank then partied in town.
And Sunday I worked then ate and worked then ate then worked then ate then the boy came over and I ate some more. :( :(
Soooooo I was bad, super super bad!!!!

Then yesterday I ran burning 500 calories and only ate very little then at midnight me and my friend jumped on the tramp for 25mins :) burning off what we ate.

Then today I am being good only having a slice of toast so far which I burned off in 20mins on the treadmill walking coz I cant fucking run!!! But I also got my hair cut bcoz it is the formal on saturday so my hair has to look lovely and beautiful which it does...... then I came home and just blogging, and I may go for another walk, maybe go for a bike. Anything to get rid of the fat sitting on my bones....
I have a big party tomorrow night, and I dont have to eat tomorrow :D looking forward to it
haha have you seen my lovelies I say I will fast but then it ends up restricting, oooo I am trying so hard not to eat, but its just sooooo hard!!!!!!

GRRRRR stupid appetite

I have a friend tho B - she doesnt eat so when I am with her I dont either soooooo hahaha I am hanging out with her a lot :)

bye beautifuls

UH hello!!!

Oh gosh I havent been on here for a while...
I feel soooo bad.
It has felt like a big hole had been ripped out of me and filled with fat.
I am fasting for the next 7days with extreme exercising (well extreme for me)
I need to be... no want to be 135 by Sunday.
So no food today
no food tomorrow
or wednesday
or thursday
or friday
not even saturday - actually i am resrticting then becoz its the bfs leavers formal and whats at the leavers formal? AhHhhh dinner.... FUCK MY LIFE!)
I am fasting my hungover huge white ass off on sunday
then restricting monday (leavers dinner for me then)
then on tuesday I shall be an empty girl
and wednesday yes....
So thats a 7day fast with 2 days restrictions
and I MUST exercise at least 500cals off a day

Now I promise tomorrow I shall have a better post xoxooxoxox

Gaaaaaaaah

My dresses and bikini arrived today :D
However it is very very very very very very sad and upsetting that I cant fit a size 4 US and I need to by the 4th of december so I think restricting, exercising until I pass out (not really) and fasting until I get to the 4th of December, no alcohol, no food. SKINNY SKINNY SKINNY!!!!
Anyway I have no more school now... ever :D YAYAYAY!!!!!! Classics exam was a bitch, didnt know anything but owel I am in uni tho :D
lots to do now tho so I shall write a extra long blog post tomorrow for you beautiful Chickas
xx

PRAY!!!

Ok I will do another post later but I wish to send a prayer, hope, and my wishes to the miners stuck in the Pike River Mine on the westcoast in New Zealand after the mine explosion. I wish that you all just put it out into the universe that they will be ok! My friends step dad is down there at the moment and my heart goes out to him and his step mum and all the other families. Only 5 weeks after the Chile mine incident, this happens and only after a few months after the Christchurch Earthquake.

Sweet Bliss of Nothing

Nothing

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

well other than 200 calories worth of liquids

I am super happy and proud of myself

I didn't even cave at work

I AM GOING TO BE THIN!

Today I was super busy, waking up at 9am to start the beautiful bliss of study wooooo. I wrote and essay and read a fuck load of PSM (primary source material) until one pm. then drove to school to hand in my essay, greasy hair, and I hadn't showered I know EW! but hey I was about to go for a run so no point in showering really. I ran while watching Fashion TV And the thinspo on my iPod. I ran until I felt like passing out which to you my lovely ladies may not have been a long run but for me it hard, idk I have never been able to do long distance i get strained after 2mins but I pushed my self in 4 10minute intervals to run 40minutes at a slowish pace loosing 410 beautiful calories. making me a beautiful -110cals today. :) I think I may do the same tomorrow. 

But yes after my run I had a shower and then got ready for work. which is at a supermarket. which is hard standing there looking at all the food you could possibly have on your break but I didnt cave oooooo noooooo I didn't I had a chicken noodle soup 65cals I think, it was hot and I burnededed my tongue :( teach me to drink chicken noodle soup.

Then I came home and here I am now typing away cheerfully to you girls.

Sorry if I don't comment, its just my brain sometimes doesnt read everything I think I am a little ADD and Dyslexic and probs a few more things, so its hard for me to concentrate and I sometimes read things wrong *sigh* o well I am trying to comment I swear its just sometimes its just plain hard for me.

AND thank you everyone for the support oooo your all so lovely!!!
Mich I hope your hangover gets better and that your fast goes well :)
Thin_Envy Thank you :)
Starving Artist Thank you for you support :)
BellaAna Yes down with these super sweet boyfriends haha :) I definitley made up for it today :D and you amaze me you beautiful strong girly xx

Stay Strong Chicase
ex oh ex oh

Yay weight gain!!!! NOT!
But then this is what happens when the boyf turns up on your door with a block of chocolate and take out dinner at 5pm....... "I've already eaten...?" Yeah no that didnt work he laughed at me and said he would put in the oven until 6pm so we cud both enjoy the meal.
GO S!!!! :(
go 145lbs!!!!
tomorrow I will either restrict or fast depending on my mood.
and run for an hour
pilates
study

LOTS TO DO SO LITTLE TIME

Hello

Oh gosh I never told you guys this buuuut I was offered a place at the University I want to go to :D YAYAYAYAY! All I have to get is good grades from the end of the year results and I will be accepted true and proper. I am so happy because its like going to be super awesome!!! Away from my parents, time to be THIN! Thats really the main thing I will be looking forward to is changing my eating patterns. Because I will be living with people that dont know me so therefore they wont question my eating patterns which should be great :)

I tried to do a salt water flush but kinda failed at it. But yet I am not a bloated mess. Maybe it is because I didnt put toooooo much salt resulting in me not getting bloated and the flush not doing anything yup.

Well I have to go got soooo much study to do for this exam

xoxox

will tell you more soon

Harry Potter!!!

Yes I go the midnight screening of the 2nd to last Harry Potter movie... and yes I am going to go see it again at 8:30 tonight. I love Harry Potter... I'm such a geek haha. I remember when I was younger with one of my family guy friends we used to pretend we were student at Hogwarts and when they were filming the entire student body + teachers wore invisibility cloaks... HAHAHAHAHA!

I was a weird child I tell you!! But weird is better than normal I think.

Anyways I definitely recommend you go pop into your nearest cinema and watch it!!!

I broke my fast yesterday but the worst was at 11:00pm... My friend and I went to the pub to have a glass of wine before the movie and then went to Mcdonalds :( yes sad face, I had some chicken nuggets and small fries. But I kinda went for a uber long walk/jog/run yesterday so I think I was ok still. But I still felt gross and icky after. And during the movie I had 300cals worth of pop corn so it wasn't so bad!

Wow I am telling you my day backwards but owell. My friend N, she took me and my friend S on a random secret trip around the city. We went to a park to play on those round-about things, then went to a game place to play on the dance machine (burning cals (: ) then went to the best fudge place ever and brought some fudge to share 200cals which I would have burned off from walking around and the dance machine. Then we went to "lunch" and stole some fries from my friend at the cafe we were at.  I was naughty I tell you.

But today I will redeem myself I got up at 10:45 and went for a 10minute run burning 110cals. I cant run to far because I havent eaten much today but I may go for a walk on the treadmil soon and burn more :) and I am not eating anything today to make up for my bad behavior yesterday.

ciao bella's

xoxox

btw hello to my 17 followers xoxoxox

Almost empty

ok so yestderday was a success.
I had;
water

1/2 a coke zero

and a small piece of chicken (told mum I was sick so she made me eat a little)

but that means I am almst empty

Ok and can I ask you guys something

What is a salt water flush?!!!
I have no idea what it is, or what it does but I keep reading about it on blogs *help!*

Also last night I was on ASOS.com amazing website and I spent $162.48 on clothes!!! Three Items.

Swimsuit - $26.90

Little Black Dress - $66.20

Maxi Dress - $43.50

Then +21.70 for shipping and handling.... then the charge on my debit

but I am happy with my purchases :D

I bought the bikini for the holiday I am going on with BellaAna and a few others its going to be so much fun... only 66 more days!!!!

now I am off for a tuition then a run

ciao my lovelies

LUCK

OK so I am now fasting with the beautiful Bella until wednesday.... maybe longer
wish me luck!

Startign weight: 143.7lbs

IRONIC?!

I was just posting a comment on Coco's post and I was thinking about walking over to the fridge and raiding it until my tummy hurt...... and guess what the Word verification's word that I got given was FATTER! Could the world be more helpful at this point in time to stop a binge? THANK YOU INTERNET

study leave = starve leave

So starting tomorrow I am doing a fully fledged liquid fast
no "exeptions" this time

I was meant to do a 50hour fast with BellaAna but this morning I was at the boyf's house coz I stayed over... Lets say he wasnt impressed with my friday night shinanagans...... but we kissed and made up :):):)
But this morning he made me breakfast
Eggs, Bacon, Breakfast sausage, and toast, which I ate the bacon, one sausage, and half a piece of toast.... then I came home and mum made me lunch (FUCK!) and yeah down hill from there really..... but starting tomorrow until next sunday (SO 8 days) I am liquid fasting because its starving leave now :):) and I want to be thin... and I will be thin :D!

Bye bella's
I am off to party it up in town!!!!
xxx

Lets get Naked

Ok so last night I was ummm really really drunk!!!!
So me and my friends headed to a foam party!!!!
Pretty EPIC!!! Like OMG
buuuuuuut...
yes there is a but
....
well there was a comp to win a $100 bar tab for girls
hmmmm
so lots of girls get on the table and start dancing
a couple of fat chicks get there bras off and pretty much started getting it on *EW!*
mw and my friend are like we are not drunk enuf (even tho we were wasted)
we got off the table
haha
then got back on
then they started to eliminate people and the only way u cud stay up was if you showed skin
so we took our dresses off half way (wearing as them as skirts) I am happy to say i was the skinnest girl there :)
:):):)
then they narrowed it down to four girls, 2 random girls with massive boobs, me and my friend.
Then we started dancing again and in somepoint we took our bras off :S but dont worry we hid our bits haha
but still then they had a "vote" pretty much who ever got the loudest scream won...
I was the last one to have the yelling and it was the loudest so I won a $100 bar tab and my friend came 2nd so she got a $50 bar tab....
Now how do I tell my boyf?!!! haha

ciao bellas
starving today :)

FINISHED!

Finished! Completed! OVER!!!!

No more high school

No more detentions (not that I ever got many)

No more being late to school

No more bunking

No more uniform

No more teachers and year 9's

No more lunches.

No More

I am sad... but then I am not. I hated school but I know I will miss it... I haven't cried... not yet. I proberbly will at the prizegiving. I am sad!!!

I don't want to go out to the real world yet.

I am not ready. But I am ready to face my own life.

Why does it have to be so contradicting.

*SIGH*

Today went out with a bang

Started with a whole lot of "FUUUUUCK" art panels were due in.... I just finished thank god.

So now I have no more design, no more graphics, no more ict, and no more photography. Just one last exam on the 24th November for Classics. But yes, handed in my panels at 8:40, then bunked first period to go get a much needed chai latte. Then came back for second, and just chilled and talked with class mates. Then in Third my classics teachers showed pics from hertrip to greece and italy. AFTER that was sign out and exam info. Then I went to my friends lake and sunbathed, had a beer, applied fake tatoos, and filled up water balloons. We headewd back to school to verse our brother school in a water fight, which started with a bang and ended 5 to 10 minutes later with the senior managment being gay. After that I went to a leavers drinks/bbq/hang then left to umpire, then went back for fireworks.... I am going to miss (almost) EVERONE!!!

So yes I have mixed feelings right now

*sighs*

But still SCHOOL IS OVER AND TODAY WAS GREAT!!!!!

SLAKERRRRRRR

"Slacker?"
"Yes that's me!"
"SLACKER!!!!"
"You called?"
"SLACKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"What do you want?!!!!"
"Stop procrastinating you fat piece of shit"

Yes that's me. A slacker. A common procrastinator. You can find me in my room sitting on my bum at my desk lon my lap top. I will be on facebook, msn, itunes, blogspot and google. I don't do much when I am on any of them. I just sit there and stare blankly at the screen clicking away at the mouse pad, reading through you blogs but tooo tired and to busy thinking about distractions that can distract me from the task at hand. I Don't reply becuase my brain is mush (SOrryyYY!Y!!!) I want to I swear but my hands are barely able to move. Typing is such an effort. But then thats kinda acceptable when you are ending the final stages of high school. The teachers pile lots of study notes, art assignments all into the last weeks of school to make you work harder until you are so tired you don't want to get up from your seat in class to trudge slowly down the halls and up and down the stairs to your next class.... Ohhhh but we have to making us even more tired. And finally when the bell goes for you to go home... alas... we cannot because we need to stay late at school to finish art and to study and to be tutored. The only thing pushing us through is the countdown to summer.... mine is two days until school ends and study starts then 14days from then to my first and last exam and for my summer to start. I want to sleep now. But rest can come to me on wednesday night when I have signed out and handed everything in. Tomorrow, alcohol and coke zero shall line my stomach as I watch cup day after I say "Goodbye" to my peers in the leaver assembly, even though we have one day left of school.
ALL I want to do is say Goodbye.
I want to crawl into a ball and close my eyes... but i have two panels to stick down and 6 briefs to write so I shall say good bye to you my lovelies and hello to my art as it is 11:56pm and wish to be in bed by 3am
XOXOXOX

Start again

Today I was at work...

Well if you know me, work is really... "If I have money I shall binge"-athon... Soooo

Fat lard ass me haddddd... half a bag of chips, chocolate and a baked potatoe :(:(

But I have started a new liquid fast starting tomorrow.

The rules:

• 1L water
• no more than 600ml coke zero
• One smoothie
• Work out monday, thursday, saturday
• To keep my self busy I shall; clean my room, do my hair, paint my nails, work out, watch tv, study, organise anthing and everything, go for walk/drive, go to work.
• NO FOOD - (Execept for fruit when I become crazy hungry and if I do it will be a tomato or banana - not even a full one)

I will be able to succeed because I am going to keep myself super super busy with anything and everything that has nothing to do with food...

I actually no longer enjoy food... I enjoy the odd occasional piece of fruit but other than that I don't actually enjoy placing the piece of food between my lips and chewing the piece of food. I think its more the ritual and routien is the reason I eat. I live to eat not to survive...

My new motto will be

don't live to eat, eat to live!!!

Because with mind over matter I wont get fatter!

Anyway enough about my crass failier....

My super sweet boyf turned up at my house at 10pm friday night with movies, and he sat with me and watched the blindside before we fell asleep in my bed.

We don't do anything except kiss... and a bit more.... but no sex. I really want to but I don't know I think I am a little attached to my virginity

I want to get rid of it.... well not like that I mean I want to give it to him... I want it to be his... but then this opther part of me is like, if you give it to him and then he isn't the one, it will be with him forever with someone else. IDK its like some stupid thing I have I mean I love him I do, and I want to give it to him on our 6 months but then this little part of me is telling me I will get hurt... and I know I could get hurt in the long run of this relationship (unless of course we do get married.. etc etc etc...)

Soooo maybe I will... But I have to be thin and beautiful. Also I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WILL BE DOING... Bloody hell I have so many insecurities.... FML

gah!!!!

three more days left of school... well its less really... On monday I will be doing art 24/7 and then tuesday art will be in the morning, then final school assembly, then CUP DAY! then on wednesday art hand in, and school is FINISHED FUCK YEAH!!!! BRING ON THE  SUMMER BITCHES!!! (not you lovely ladies but in genral lol)... I shall be working, getting drunk, partying my ass off, starving, working out, trying to get a tan, and maybe even possibly getting stoned... I shall be staying up late, getting skinny and having fun!!!!

I am soooooo excited!!!

THINSPO BOMB!

I did say BOMB didn't I?

ex oh ex oh!
Ciao Bellas