can't I use the table????

Fuck my room mate sucks....

she is my friend yes

but when it comes to room mate/ flat mate she is a BITCH!

I mean seriously 

she has been working with her art stuff on the table watching her show on her lap top for the past 3 days..... and the one time I want like half of the table.... I can't even 

BITCH

fuck she is pissing me off

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

not only this 

buuuuut

we went out on saturday night and then she ditched me because I talked.... yes "talked" to the guy she doesn't like.... yes thats right petty I know. I don't think I really want to be friends with her anymore, but she is my flat mate so I have to at least be civil, right?

Cause I see the Light

141.7 on Friday..... YES 141.7 on Friday
I haven't weighed in that low in FOREVER!!!!!!!!!
I am now sitting at 142.3 now buuuuut
I didn't go to the gym or anything during the weekend, and I ate somewhat normal (1000ish cals)
Hopefully by tomorrow I will be back to the 141ish mark :D
wish me luck
x

now on other news...... my flatmates suck..... well 2 of my flatmates suck... majorly.
will tell you in another post but atm I have a freaking gay as lecture to attend which sucks balls
ciao beauties
xx

101

Wow I didn't even realise in my state in my last post that I have broken the 100 posts!!!! *celebrates in room*
but yes
I don't even want to weigh myself not because I have been binging but because I dont want to know just yet.
ummmm yes
and yeah
got a gym membership pretty much go every day
got my period for the first time in 3 months... birth control is awesome haha
ummm I am reading your blogs but I am really busy atm with uni so can't really do so
But you guys who commented I love you and thank you so much for the support you lovelies are amazing
and so is S, because he still talks to me in my fucked up state
oh yeah most importantly


I SAW KATY PERRY TONIGHT!!!!! HOLY FUCK SHE IS AMAZING!!!
MARRY!

that is all goodnight xx

I am such a fuck up

Fuck I told S everything... I wasn't even drunk, well he was. I just broke down.... I dunno why but I did
I binged at my drinks last night..... not good
I am 146.1 now :(
But yeah I told him.

this may be TMI so I am giving you warning not to read if you are young or grossed out by sex before marrige kinda stuff

But yeah last night because S was sooooo drunk we were having sex and then he asked me to go on top and then he lost it and couldn't get it back up
and then that little voice in my head became not so little, yeah that little voice in my head told me "he lost it because all he can see is FAT!!!" and that voice said that over and over again and I broke down and started bawling my eyes out, not that he understood why, not in his drunken state, and he just didn't understand.
And in the end we stayed up until 4am with him trying to convince me I was beautiful. I can't see it. And at one point he asked me to just look in the mirror to see what he saw, and turned to him and said, I can't because every time I look in the mirror I hate myself more, I can't see what you see because I HATE MY BODY!"
I think this was the first time I have ever told anyone about it or even admitted to myself properly how much I hate my body.

Right well I have to S is waking up, and I want one part of this to be secret from him
ciao bellas

144.2!!!!

I have no idea how its possible but everytime I step on the scales its what it says!!!!
maybe its because I was drinking last night and I am dehydrated but I am taking it and running!!!!!
right time for my breakfast..... apple!!! yum!

gtg have to pack! leaving to go back to Uni tomorrow

I wish I was a billionaire so f**king bad

So last night S took me to see the movie Arthur..... highly recommend it!!! It was fantastic!!! Russell Brand is AWESOME!!!!
I don't actually know what is happening there with S... Everyone likes too ask that.... but I myself don't actually know, its a very highly complicated matter there!! Well while I am on the matter of that boy called S, on Sunday it was exactly a year since we met! :) and then in about a month it will be a year.... well it would be a year? oh fml I don't even know!!!!

restricted today.... 145.4 when I woke up
hopefully tomorrow will be better
have a lunch tomorrow.... thats it nothing else solid to pass my lips except lunch
Breakfast: 1 glass milk
Lunch: Pizza
Dinner: Alcohol

mmmmmm very very healthy :/

but then on friday I am hoping for:
Breakfast: Apple
Lunch: Apple
Dinner: Salad

that is healthy

and Saturday
Breakfast: Apple
Lunch: Salad/Sandwich
Dinner: Alcohol

and then Sunday (at work)
Breakfast: Crackers and Marmite
Lunch: Apple
Snack: Cracker and Marmite
Dinner: Salad

It should drop a few off my waistline :D

Well bella's atm there is nothing exciting in my life. It is all rather boring and grey :(
right should get back to my assignments.... see boring
boring
boring

I wish I was rich
sigh

xx ciao bellas

sorry!!!!

sorry that I am sooooo slack at posting this past week...... but its very very hard exspesh when you have noooo time....

my mother is making me take everything out of my room that belongs to me because she is turning my room into an office... SADFACE!
its always a sad day when you move out of home, but I think it is even sadder having to clean all the stuff out as they turn your room into an office damn parentals

well in weight wise.... I am 145 :D
so much better than 152
soooooo much better

I am fasting today and getting my hair cut
:)

its going to be a good day...
also you may be lucky and get a massive loooooong post tomorrow

ciao my beauties
xx

10 days

ok well I haven't got much to say.... but my head is full of things to tell you lovely girls

but I caan't my brain is too tired to tell you

but what I can tell you is that I am 147.2lbs and going down

ran for 10mins on treadmil before the dumb power turned off for 5mins

fml
well I have 10 days to loose as much as possible
wish me luck

but yeah anyways off to get drunk as skunk..... then have work training tomorrow at 7:30am 

yeah!!!!!

my life is awesome....?

xx

ciao bellas

run until your heart gives out

hello my lovely ladies!!!!
how are you all?
well if you wanna know I am fantastic........ I guess...
well I am back at home for a couple of weeks durng studie break so hopefully with unlimitted access to the treadmill at my house I am sure to shed a few pounds...... wish me luck.
now I would stay to catch you up but have an essay worth 40% tomorrow so I need to stop procrastinating
xox
ciao bellas
xx

p.s. got myself a new laptop today :D

and again

FAT FAT FAT FAT!!!!
I stepped on the scales this morning.......
152.4lbs
my highest weight ever
4 day binge is not good!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hat my body and the way it looks.... I just want to cut off all my fat

on an unrelated note.... can't wait to go home on Saturday
actually it is related.... I am going to run on the treadmill until my ass falls off