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Ok soooooo since I have been with family for the past week for the funeral 
the amount of food that passed these lips was disgusting
I don't even want to talk about it.
But yes since my low weight I have grossly put on a hideous amount and I wish to wallow in self pity for as long as it takes to disappear!!!
But I have learnt from my flatmates that
infact
they are all going home next weekend!!!!
YES!
that means
oh yes that means
that I can fast! Completely, and not worry about buying food, or eating food with any of them noticing!!!
So fast for a week I shall!!! (because Granny my flatmate will be back after a week)
But it gets better because!! She wants to do the master cleanse with me!!!!
FUCK YES!
so as I wallow in self pity now... after next week I am going to be ontop of the world!!! YES! :)


anyways here is a few things about me..... :)
Age: 19, I'm 20 in like 8 days, eeeeek!!
Height: 5'10"7
Weight: 155.6lbs
Dress Size: 11 on bottom 8/10/12 on top (NZ)
Highest Weight: now....... 155.6lbs
Lowest Weight (at height): 130
Goal Weight: 125 (Ultimate GW)
Favorite Diet Food: coke zero, tuna, water, tea
Favorite Binge food: chocolate, crisps, anything sweet/savory, DORITOS, burgers
Favorite Exercise: dancing, walking, anything
Favorite Thinspo: flat stomachs, thighs, HIPS!
Where Do You Slip Up: At night when I am with the flatmates


When Did It Start?:
Hating your body: Year 7... 11years
Restricting/counting: since I was 13
Does Anyone Know: Blogger, the S and a few other people
You Want Help: I don't need help.... I am not near needing help
How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day: Depends anywhere from 0 - 100434193879123648641253468
What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror: Gross Flabby Thighs and a chubby tummy no shape. Gross in general
Are You In A Relationship: Yes
Are You Depressed: sometimes
Ever Tried To Commit Suicide: nope
Ever Been To A Psychologist: nope 

I AM -
[ ] anorexic
[ ] ednos
[ ] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[x] hungry
[x] thirsty
[ ] drinking something
[ ] Under 100lbs
[x] starving yourself (starting today)
[  ] participating in a fast

PEOPLE -
[  ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[x] call me fat (never to my face though)
[x] say I’m skinny
[x] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[x] spread rumors about me
[x] force me to eat
[x] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more


I WISH -
[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn’t have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[  ] I was under 110lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty
[  ] I could stop being ana/mia

I LOVE -
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference when fasting
[  ] shaking
[  ] being weak
[x] losing weight
[  ] being anorexic/bulimic
[x] green tea
[  ] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself


APPEARANCE -
[  ] I am shorter than 5’4.
[x] I think I’m ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars. (I fall over a lot)
[  ] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[  ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[  ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[  ] I have/had braces.
[  ] I wear glasses (only for reading tho!)
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
[x] I have more than 2 piercings.
[x] I have had piercings in places besides my ears.
[x] I have freckles.

FAMILY -
[x] I’ve sworn at my parents.
[  ] I’ve run away from home.
[/] I’ve been kicked out of the house. (almost)
[  ] My biological parents are together.
[  ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[  ] I’ve had children.
[  ] I’ve lost a child.

EMBARRASSMENT -
[x] I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I’ve peed from laughing.
[x] I’ve snorted while laughing.
[x] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
[x] I’ve glued my hand to something
[x] I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[x] I’ve had my trousers rip (on a flipping nail)


RELATIONSHIPS -
[  ] I’m single
[x] I’m in a relationship.
[  ] I’m engaged. 
[  ] I’m married.
[  ] I’ve gone on a blind date.
[  ] I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[  ] I’ve cheated in a relationship.
[  ] I’ve gotten divorced
[x] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
[x] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
[  ] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
[x] I’ve kept something from a past relationship.


SEXUALITY -
[  ] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[x] I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[  ] I’ve been kissed in the rain.
[x] I’ve hugged a stranger.
[x] I have kissed a stranger.


HONESTY -
[x] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t
[x] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
[  ] I’ve snuck out of my house. (other peoples sure... mine? no)
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I’ve cheated while playing a game.
[x] I’ve cheated on a test.
[  ] I’ve been suspended from school.

BAD TIMES -
[x] I’ve consumed alcohol.
[x] I regularly drink.
[  ] I can’t swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[  ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression at some point.
[x] I shut others out when I’m upset.
[  ] I take anti-depressants.
[  ] I’m anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[x] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
[x] I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
[  ] I’m addicted to self harm.
[x] I’ve woken up crying
[x] I’ve lost weight
[x] I’ve gained weight
[x] My weight holds me back
[x] Weight consumes me.
[x] I’m at my thinnest
[x] I’m at my biggest
[  ] I’ve lost weight and kept it off
[x] I’ve lost weight but gained it back
[x] My weight affects my mood
[x] I weigh myself daily (-ish)
[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[x] I thrive on compliments
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[  ] I feel happy when I’m hungry
[x] I get depressed after I eat
[x] I’ve skipped a meal
[x] I’ve thrown food away
[x] I’ve spit food out
[x] I’ve fasted
[  ] I’ve taken diet pills
[  ] I’ve used laxatives
[x] I’ve purged
[x] I exercise
[  ] I exercise so I can eat
[  ] I work out secretly
[  ] I work out daily
[x] I exercise to counteract eating
[  ] I’ve fainted from exhaustion


I’VE DONE -
[x] Weed
[  ] Cigarettes 
[x] Alcohol
[  ] Diet pills
[x] Pain killers (only when sick... and OK maybe one other time when I wasn't)
[  ] Anti-depressants
[  ] Ecstasy
[  ] LSD
[  ] Mushrooms
[  ] Speed
[  ]  Cocaine
[  ] Other


[x] I keep my eating habits a secret from those around me
[x] I have a diet blog
[x] I look at thinspo
[   ] I collect thinspo
[x] I’m doing this for me
[   ] I’m doing this for someone 
[x] I’m doing this to prove myself im strong