Fuck I told S everything... I wasn't even drunk, well he was. I just broke down.... I dunno why but I did
I binged at my drinks last night..... not good
I am 146.1 now :(
But yeah I told him.
this may be TMI so I am giving you warning not to read if you are young or grossed out by sex before marrige kinda stuff
But yeah last night because S was sooooo drunk we were having sex and then he asked me to go on top and then he lost it and couldn't get it back up
and then that little voice in my head became not so little, yeah that little voice in my head told me "he lost it because all he can see is FAT!!!" and that voice said that over and over again and I broke down and started bawling my eyes out, not that he understood why, not in his drunken state, and he just didn't understand.
And in the end we stayed up until 4am with him trying to convince me I was beautiful. I can't see it. And at one point he asked me to just look in the mirror to see what he saw, and turned to him and said, I can't because every time I look in the mirror I hate myself more, I can't see what you see because I HATE MY BODY!"
I think this was the first time I have ever told anyone about it or even admitted to myself properly how much I hate my body.
Right well I have to S is waking up, and I want one part of this to be secret from him
ciao bellas
hey hun,
ReplyDeleteI hope that you're okay firstly,
It's obvious this boy cares about you, most guys I know wouldn't spend all night convincing their girlfriends that they're beautiful. Thats so sweet, I think you need to talk to him and explain what's going on in your head so he doesn't get the wrong idea
Jen
Xxxx
I agree with Jen Jen, the boy definitely cares about you if he spent all night convincing you that you're beautiful. So it's not bad that you told him.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better and have a nice day.
The fact that he did that even while smashed means he really cares for you, and really wants you to see how beautiful you are.
ReplyDeleteAnd being extremely wasted makes it tough for a lot of guys to get it up.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!! <3 <3
xoxo