One Day Down... 6 to Go

day one fasting down
six more to go
no food has past these lips
:)

No I want to be

ARGHHHHH!!!!
I hate myself

FUCK YOU ANA!!!!!
OMG
She just doesn't leave my head, well if she does she leaves for two days lets me binge to my hearts content and lets me contemplate life as a fattie!!!!
And nows she just popped back

"Miss me much C? well I am back, and now you know you can't live without me hehehehehe I AM BACK FOR GOOD!"

OMG

two days of eating "Normally" and what did it get me? Going from 142 to the horrible 146lbs FML!

I am liquid fasting until Friday no exceptions

no breaking

no "just one buiscut"

NO NO NO!!!!

only liquid like green tea, water, coke zero. And I Can either have one juice, or one smoothie a day. And if you care to join me you can.

I hate me!

Slim but not too thin

While casually searching for thinspo.

I always come across the sad sad sad pictures of the skin and bones. I don't like it. I don't even understand how anyone would want to be soooooo thin! (Sorry if you do) But being that thin means I would have so many health problems. I would rather be SLIM and beautiful with the space between my thighs, collar bones, my ribs SLIGHTLY showing and my hip bones to be seen. If that means I don't reach my goal weight... I don't really mind... I just want to be thinish... Slim... Slim enough to be a model... Slim enough that my boyfriend will be able to piggy back me and think I am delicate... To fit size 6 - 8 clothes (NZ)
I don't want to be able to count every rib bone, I want to see the slight hint off my ribs

I don't want sharp hip bones that could cut my soul, I want the beautiful definition of slender hips

I don't want bone thin legs, I only want that space between my thighs

I don't want to be bone thin. I want to be model slim!

I don't want to be so thin I could die, I want to be slim enough to be happy and live

xx

HOLIDAY!

The Boyfriend wants to take me on holiday for our 6months.... he wants to go to this place which is a natural spring resort kinda thing.... what does this mean? Bikini.... and what does that mean??? F***ING BUM GO AWAY!!!! Thighs please shrink.... you have 25days to do so.. come on pack your bags and go... leave.... don't you get it? Your not wanted anymore!!! Your no longer the cute baby fat... your just the excess fat the hangs off my limbs... I WANT SO SEE THE SPACE... not the wobbly bits wobbling when I run, walk and just move in general....

I am going to try fast tomorrow... Today I was meaning to fast but I broke it when mum made me eat tea with the family.... FML! It was after I got back from the gym..... After I burned 500cals after I worked hard to remove those extra cals from me... I had to consume them again.... then I did something I hate doing... Purged.... I didn't even get it all out... I hate doing it I do... OH WHY!!!!!!!!!!! So 200 crunches/sit ups here I come... :S

BellaAna sorry if I failed you... but tomorrow I wont let you down!!! XXX

Did I mention I finished Wintergirls..... I LOVE!

yessssa

Thinspo?!!!
yes

now I have to go graphics time

two of those projects due tomorrow

:S

Ciao Bellas

xoxox

stay strong

:) = ? = LIES

Stupid scales..... stupid food..... stupid me..... stupid work
I though I was safe when I woke up this morning and weighed 140.7 hahahahahahahaha
I Thought I was safe when I ate the 2weekbix and a banana for breakfast
I Thought I was safe when I ate the chocolate biscut and tuna with crakers for my first break
I Thought I was safe when I ate the 3 chicken nibbles and dried apple pieces for my second break
I was safe when I had nothing for my third break
Then my boyfriend decided to pick me up from work
IDIOT!!!! FAT BITCH! why did you eat that f***ing shit.... YOU RUINED IT!!!!
I still thought I was safe when I ate the mash potato for dinner
FAT LOSER!
Then when I thought I was safe I weighed myself.... 148lbs!!!!! normally if I hardly ate I would have been 145 or even better 144 or the best 143... but 148..... Well Ana had a nut
)(*^@%$^%&@&(*^)()*(!#@)532613(@_&#&$*&(@#_
wow so many bad words... so many mean things.... and while S was there.... I couldn't stop it
and when I sat next to him I could see the fat rolling into rolls around my jeans spilling over the top of them
Ana just sat there and laughed well you didn't listen to me did you if you stopped at the tuna you wouldn't be this fat piece of lard!!!I am useless....

But at least S "loves me so so so much"

*sigh*

Last night was GREAT! My friends 18th waaaaas AWESOME!!!!
I didn't end up making my costume so I found stuff I already had sooooo
here is me in mys costume

eeewwwwww look @ my thighs!
but however my arms have slimmed and so has my waist
someone told me I was starting to waist away....
I was like um k bye






xx
ciao bellas...
I'm off to crawl into a ball and murder my thighs
xox

costume

OK So i have my friends 18th/Halloween party today
fdsdfsdjkhwsnclasfyiaeuksmcasf
I don't have my costume ready...
I need to make it
ahhhhhhhhh!!!!
I have exactly 7hours to make it.
and on top of that have to clean my room
oh and homework
Ffhkiadjshflkjriw;laeutskdfkaejfkadsvfnkadhfjkashflk
ARGH!!!!
SO MUCH TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
btw I weigh 142.2 :( stupid dinner last night.
AND last night I only ran for 10minutes
fsadfhkwrieyfnav
GAH! I fail at life

Dissapointed

Have you ever looked forward to something really good? and then it just lets you down???
I have
It was today...
I was sooooo looking forward to todays Rice Ball... which are fantastic!!!!
I felt nothing when I at it.
I actually only ate 1/3.
The chicken and some rice.... 120cals probs
I don't while I was eating I was thinking of the amazing progress I was making
and how this wasn't even helping.
It tasted amazing but I just did not want it
what is wrong with me?!!!
haha
nothing I just questioned my sanity at that point... normally I devour it in minutes.
but then I just sat there and picked at it, and drank my hot white chocolate (60)
*:)*
It is a good sign becuase it means that I am loosing weight.
:)
I weighed in this morning at 141.0
:D:D:D
OMG!!!!! one more lb and then hello goal weight!!!!!
comments:
Almost.Skinny: My hand is fine now... still knida stings though... but no blistering.... Tea is definitley the best.... I love white tea, and green tea the most.
RunsAlone: OMG yesssssss they doooo!!! I buy mine at a place called Gloria Jeans.... although I don't know if you have it in the states.... they may sell it in starbucks maybe?? I also get it at the supermarket its a brand called Jarrah!!
Bony Bunny: No but I wish I was haha

Right I got to go
RUNNING TIME!!!!!
Ciao bellas!!!
xox

OUCH!

Silly me.... Very silly me....
I spilt my Hot White Chocolate (60cals) EVERYWHERE!!!! I burnt my tummy and my wrist... mostly my wrist.
I ran it under 10minutes and then bandaged it all up... but its stinging now... and typing is difficult.... silly me.... it may have been a sign not to drink it but I finished it off (30cals) because there was half left and I wasn't going to waste it...

Today was day 3!!!
When I woke up this morning I woke up with a weight I haven't seen since march!!!! 142.4lbs :D (64kgs)
I did well!!!
I had a banana smoothie for breakfast and a peanut butter sandwich... (I had it for breakfast because if I had it early I would burn it off by the end of the day :) ) so all up that would have been 300? 350?
then I had water all day
and a coke zero (1.8) for lunch and a craker (50)
then I had a muslie bar (100)
and I also had a mocha... not just any mocha but my first and last mocha EVER!!!! Did I mention I hate coffee? I didn't even drink most of it I had like 10sips and I was like EWWWWWWW although it had suppressed my hunger for two hours... I am guessing I had 40cals worth of the White Chocolate Mocha from starbucks... that was $5.50 down the drain... o well... at leat it was $5.50 on that rather than a burger meal from mcdonalds whcih would have been like 1000cals or something!!!!!!
not tooooo bad I guess
then I was able to get out of dinner because work needed someone so I had a coke zero (1.8)
then the hot white chocolate drink (30)
so whats that like 570 all up?!!! :D!!! today was more like restricting than fasting I guess but I think I did well..

Tomorrow I am going to have a sushi date with my friend... its like our thing every friday we get these amazing rice balls and devour them :) They are amazing and depending what you get in them can range from 200cals to 500cals... I get a kaarage rice ball with extra avocado the Kaarage chicken is about 70-100cals the rice is about 200cals, the avocado is aaaaabout 50cals... so all up 350cals :) which is good and yummmmmmy and makes you really full.... so you could have it for lunch and dinner... you only really need half. SOOOOO RICE BALL date here I come
I so need one... well if I haven't lost I might just eat half and save the other half for the next day...
fingers crossed that I have lost :S

RIGHT I gtg have super massive amounts of homework
CIAO BELLAS!!! XOXOX

Day 2

Well guys guess what?!!!!
I have completed day 2 of my liquid fast with no hiccups (except for eating a tomato for breakfast but they are basically 0cals so it doesn't count!!)

ARE YOU PROUD?!

I had 3 green teas, a coke zero and a trimmers delight (or something like that) smoothie (191cals)

I am happy and when I weighed myself this morning I had a 0.4lb change and hopefully its even more of a loss when I get up tomorrow!!!!!

Today was interesting

I woke up and went to school... of course. Then half way through the day I went home "sick", because my mum wanted me to go watch my brothers sports... but I was more than happy to leave school during lunch and not eat... I just went to the mall before his sports and got my smoothie, which was AMAZING! thanks BellaAna for telling me where to get those!!! They are sooo good and the burn fat while making you not hungry AT THE SAME TIME!!!!
Haha

So I watched my brother play his sports then I went home and tried to clean my room... but then my lovely boy S turned up and surprised me. I was soooooo ahppy he just randomly decided to turn up because I was having these horrible thoughts in my brain 5minutes before thinking

we haven't been texting much, but we see alot of each other on the weekends, but then what if he is just doing that because I ask? What if he is starting to get sick of me? OMG what if he is doing what I do and letting me down slowly

Then I started freaking out haha

And then someone rings my doorbell. I got annoyed for a moment because I was in the zone of cleaning and worrying... and when I answered it I saw him and the evil horrible thoughts just left my brain

And SMILED!
Oooooo I do love him!!!

BUT i don't like him when he goes out and buys the man perfume that I was going to buy him for christmas.... bitch haha... when he told me he brought it, I think he realised I Was going to buy him it because I swear my entire face dropped because I felt it drop...

haha well after that we just sat and talked and madeout for a bit which was nice because we haven't really just done that in a while.

I had to kick him out though at 5:30 because I had netball stuff which was good cause I got a good work out...

After netball I went for a run and to buy coke zero because I told mum I was at my friends for dinner.... but I wasn't ooooo sneaky!!!! haha hopefully work will call tomorrow and will want me to work... or I will go to the gym so I don't consume as many cals during dinner. I am glad I lied about dinner tonight because they had Fish and Chips..... Deep fried horriblenessnessnesss buuuuut sooooo good!

Oh and I wasn't even sore today from that boot camp.... except my tummy... but that was also the period. But I still crave that stupid peanut butter sandwhich... I might just have one tomorrow.....

Or maybe I will fast

Or I could have it and a banana and that be my breakfast, only if I lost otherwise it will just be the banana and then fast the rest of the day? YES I will do that!!!!

GYM TOMORROW!!! :) (and my peanut butter sandwich.... if I have lost!!!! Hopefully I have)

Halloween on sunday :D

I am excited because saturday night is my friends halloween party and at midnight we are all going into town for a massive party up in our awesome costumes.... I dunno if I want to go as Lady Gaga or a Pirate.... I think I am leaning more towards a pirate... actually I will go as a pirate... and I will be a sexy pirate.... why do I want to go as a pirate more? Because my legs aren't good enough for a Gaga Leotard...

I have 4weeks for my legs to be GREAT!!!! My boyfriends formal(prom/ball) is on the 4th December and my legs need to be fantastic for the afterparty and my arms skinny for the formal so I look good in both of my dresses!!!! I NEED TO BE THIN!!! AND my skin needs to be clear... does anyone have any D.I.Y facial treatments? and I also need my hair to be not frizzy and horrible... and again anyone have any D.I.Y hair treatments... apparently egg whites or something? I dunno but I need tips ASAP haha

And thank you guys sooooo much for your support!!!! And also a think you to Almost Skinny who said she will make a diet plan/meal plan thing on her page!!! Will totally be following it next year when I move out and when I am skinny...

Oh and my email is purple_chick_undercover@hotmail.com 

if anyone wants to email me they can!!!! I check that almost everyday

xx

Stay Strong beautiful girls!!!

xoxoxox

Boot camp... part 2

FMMOFSBJ! - excuse me if you are christian and don't read the next line if you are to be offened

FUCKING MOTHER MARY OF FUCKING SWEET BABY JESUS

That bloody boot camp....

omg

I

AM
DEAD!!!

And since I was doing a liquid fast... it was that much harder I mean come on... I cannot believe I had forgotten about boot camp being on today. I seriously want to die in the first five minutes when he said "RIGHT ROUND THE FIELD YOU GO"

bloody hell.

we ran around the soccer feild once, stopped to do star jumps, lunges, punches, butt kicks, squats....

and then we ran around twice, stopped to do star jumps, lunges, punches, jumping, but kicks, knee lift things, squats, and more punches.

Then hey for the hell of it lets run around the feild one more time, and "at the last part.... SPRINT"

Did I tell you I am dead?

Theeeen....

YES thats right there is more... we had to do punches like with boxing gloves and pads. so we had partners and all. I had the pads first do it wasn't so bad. but then we had to a circut

10 star jumps then run 20m to a cone then 20m back

10Knee Lifts then run 20m 20m to a cone then 20m back

20 jump things 20m to a cone then one then 20m back

theeeeen 10 star jumps, 10 knee lifts, 20 jump things 20m to a cone then 20m back

wait theres more...

10 star jumps then run 20m to a cone then 20m back

10Knee Lifts then run 20m 20m to a cone then 20m back

20 jump things 20m to a c10 Star Jumps then one then 20m back

...

then it was my turn to punch....

30 straight

30 hook

30 side

repeat for 3mins

haha then that beautiful circut again

then went back to the boxing gloves and pads

I had the pads.

Then we did another circut but this time different

10 squats then run 20m to a cone then 20m back

10 lunges then run 20m 20m to a cone then 20m back

10mountain climber thing 20m to a cone then one then 20m back

theeeeen 10 squats, 10 lunges, 10 mountain cliber things then run 20m to a cone then 20m back

again wait theres more...

10 squats then run 20m to a cone then 20m back

10 lunges then run 20m 20m to a cone then 20m back

10mountain climber thing 20m to a cone then one then 20m back

sorry do you think this is over? NO!
haha

then it was my turn to box same thing really but it was just straight boxing for 3minutes

then it was the circut and by this time I wanted to vomit.

but ana was like don't you dare stop ficking doing this C or else I will leave this fat lard arse behind

so I kept going I can't loose her again.... I gained 20lbs last time I didn't listen to her, so I pushed myself

....

yay!

Then we had sit ups while boxing... I had to stand on my partners toes with the pads while she did one sit up then punched the pads left right then go down then come up again left right 40 times...

then it was my turn

ow!!!

It doesn't help when you have your period I can tell you that...

The trainer was being nice today and finished early and started to warm us down and stretch... and my entire body was like you will pay for this tomorrow... yay

but that was boot camp...

and apparently it gets harder... yay!!!
I kinda am excited. becasue it means I will loose weight :)

Almost.Skinny I could smell it and it was calling out to me I swear.... It was saying spread me onto some bread with a whole lot of butter and eat me... you know you want to

ARGH!!!
I've never wanted peanut butter so much before in my life...

but I have my lovely green tea

so I should be set