sigh

This past week has not been good.

I have realized that I have no real friends

As much as I want to have them and as much as I try I just don't

N is in a shitty at me for no reason, just over a drunken fight from Saturday night, when they decided to go to town when I didn't want to go to town and I was waiting for S to pick me up from the 18th we were at, and she was dead set on leaving and not waiting 20minutes for him to arrive, she was to interested in town then waiting for me to safely get home (I knew no one at the party because it was D's ex boyfriends 18th and we came with her to support her etc... so them leaving me by myself is quite scary.) She text me on Sunday saying she wasn't coming on the holiday she had already payed for, because I jokingly slapped her lightly earlier in the night because she kept changing the plans and I told her to make up her mind, then apologized for slapping her, also apparentness I treat her very demandingly. Sigh. And when I apologize she doesn't even text back.

D is more interested in staying on everyones team, where, she back-stabs to the day, and makes up stories, and she is more interested in keeping the boys who are interested in her, interested in her.

AND these are the two girls I call my best friends?!

H is lovely, and we aren't best friends either although she is the most supportive friend at the moment, however, she hangs out with another set of friends.

S(the friend) she isn't as close with me but is super lovely, but is more friends with N and can be easily influenced which isn't fair because she always sides with the person she knows the most.

B well B likes to not listen to us. WE all hate her boyfriend, every single one of us and yet she would rather listen to him and run around crazy, and jump when he says jump and not see the fact that he is most likely cheating.

My crazy stoner friend A is awesome, but I hardly see her anymore since she got a boyfriend,

And C hahahahahaha she pisses me of to the day. BUT sometimes she can be lovely

Like I said no real friends. They all do different things, and all have different morals and can't be supportive (except for H) sigh. sometimes I think Ana is my only friend. Although when I think I am becoming close to people, I seem to push her to the back of my mind leaving her there until I come crawling back all battered and bruised from the emotional roller-coaster of the friendships I form, and she is there waiting patiently saying I told you so and forces me to run on the treadmill, and I smile up at her and thank her for being there for me and there to understand me. No one seems to understand me, except her. Too bad she isn't a real person, I mean if she was I wouldn't need anyone else, she would always be around and always be my excuse. 

And at the moment I have one week to lose 5 more lbs. I can do it. I hear all these wonderful miracles on these blogs I read about how some of you lovelies lost 10lbs in a week, or 3kgs, or 1stone. I am going to be lovely. And so I shall.

Ciao Bellas

you wonderful girls