you are welcome to crawl under my skin for a bit, but you wont like what you find

I wanted to rip my stomach out when S had brought me chicken kebabs and wedges
I was doing so well
-300calories
nothing in
only exercise
then he turns up with two white containers
my head screams
my stomach twists
sit there and eat it slowly, while he watches me, bite after bite I start to feel sick. I want to give up, but he keeps watching.
when I finish he crawls into my bed and lies there, I excuse myself, turning the music on the bedroom so he wont here. I turn the shower on -background noise - stick my fingers down my throat until everything in my stomach is gone. get into the shower, scrub myself clean, scrub my teeth clean, tears running down for what I just did.
get out of the shower
crawl into bed with S
I hate myself